In & out of consciousness

Cough, cough; Achoo

Alright, well. I'm sick again. Are you surprised? I'm not. My dad likes to blame it on my lack of wearing socks while walking in our house, but socks are just so uncomfortable, and shouldn't I be able to do anything while in the comfort of my own home? Like walk around naked? I wonder how often nudists get sick. I bet they never wear socks...

Now, moving on to the more depressing part of my life. (I know, what can be more depressing than me being sick?) I'd like to think I have matured a lot since last year. Not that I was immature back then, but I made some pretty thoughtless decisions that I guess you could say I regret. I'd like to think that due to my life experiences, I have always been at an above average maturity level. Regardless, that doesn't mean I still don't have room to learn. (And hopefully grow, being short is not fun.)

Anyway, a big decision I have made over the past five or so months is to stop being so dominate in my relationships. I seem to be the go-to girl, but I realized that at a time when I needed somebody most, nobody was there for me, and that's a terrible feeling. I'd like to think that I have already filtered my friends so much that the ones I did decided to keep wanted to help, but just didn't know how to. After all, I was a pretty messy wreck. Sadly, though, most of them had problems of their own that they seemed to care more about than to give me an inch of their time.

I know how the old saying goes; "your family is always there for you." I think this is true in a way. Your family is always there to help you. They are always there to point out your flaws (because after all, they are about the only people who can do and know that in the end you'll still love them all the same) and tell you how to fix them. But the thing I have noticed is that your family is never really there for you the way a friend would be. They are never, what's the words.... comforting. I guess that is a bad word because I always feel comforted with my family because they never judge me. Hell, I guess what I am trying to say is that they never feel sorry for you. That sounds really bad in print, so moving on!

I hate to name names, but I don't have many friends, by choice, so I'm sure if you really cared you could figure out their names on your own. I just don't find it important.

• I have a friend who I keep coming back to. I'm not sure why, I just do. I swear though, that whenever we are on, this person is the most loyal friend I have ever had. I just wish they didn't run away so easily when the slightest sign of trouble appears.

• Then I have another friend, who I am extremely close with, but we are just on different pages of our life and our goals no longer match up. I'm probably the most upset about this, but things have been improving lately, so who am I to complain.

• And my last friend I wish to discuss is just too selfish to understand how badly they affect me with their obsessive behavior. I seemed to get blamed for everything in their life, and it's not fair because I dedicate my entire friendship to helping them when they need it. All of my advice is sincere, friend. Because I do truly care. I just wish you'd spend less time thinking of the past, and more time focusing on what is happening now. Also, if you'd put half as much effort as you do worrying into our friendship then good things would happen. Like the rebirth of pterodactyls and stuff.

Alright, this is too long. Back to my NyQuil-induced coma.

Chow!